258 days later

While I hadn’t been running for very long (2 and a half years up until I stopped in October) it was something I loved more than any other hobby or sport I’ve picked up and, as any runner knows, it becomes a bit of an addiction. Running did great things for me, not just better fitness levels but it got me enthusiastic about keeping fit and staying healthy, it helped me with my asthma, gave me time to myself, time to think, and was a constant in my life during university, moving house, being unemployed and everything else I’ve been up to.

I don’t think I realised how much I depended on it until I stopped. Frustration and excess energy to start with (as anyone that’s ever had a running injury knows), then anger and more frustration because running used to be the best way to deal with frustration. That vague hope and longing every time I drove past a runner in the street, and reading on other blogs how far people have come in the amount of time I’ve not been running and wondering how far I could manage should I make a miraculous recovery tomorrow.

The running world was an island and I was drifting out to sea. My first thought on a nice evening was still “good time for a run” but I’d lost the urge to lace up my trainers and go.

Unfortunately I also stopped going to archery. 3rd May was the last time I shot. It was a competition (an American round, in which I placed 3rd) and was very enjoyable despite the wind, rain and hail (I kid you not). I was in pain within the first end, and by the time the medals were about to be handed out I was in agony. I decided then that the pain outweighed the fun of it and, as I wasn’t ready to start any adapted shooting, I would take a break.

Wheelchair basketball is now the only sport I have. Now that running and archery are out of the picture I’ve started taking it a bit more seriously – it’s no longer just something to do with Ally, it’s a serious competitive sport. However, a lack of official diagnosis (or even a vague clue) as to the problem with my feet meant I was still competing as an able-bodied player, which reduced my court-time (I prefer to think it was that and not that the coach just didn’t want to put me on the team!).

Three GPs, four rhuematologists and a nerve conduction specialist later and I have a diagnosis…of sorts. I’ve been told the pain has been classified as Allodynia – pain in response to pressure – and I’m on medication generally used for peripheral neuropathy (despite no reported nerve damage). I get the impression that there’s still a lot of uncertaintly but at least it’s a step in the right direction.

The first day of starting the new medication and I couldn’t help but be overly hopeful – the last doctor I saw recommended physio to get me back into shape as soon as possible and I spent the next 2 days day dreaming of the races I could still run. (I’ll admit the Marathon des Sables briefly featured but I think even that is a bit of a stretch). It never occurred to me that maybe I should be more excited about the fact that in the near future I could walk more than 100 yards, it was all about the running. My goal of finishing a marathon before 30 was becoming attainable again.

Having been on the pills a little while and seeing no improvement, the hope-induced elation is wearing off. I’m still optimistic about running again but I’m also realistic. I hope to run again soon but for now I’m just adapting my zombie apocalype plan accordingly :-)

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